Life change

In my medical career I have been in the same department for 21 years and I have mastered it. I knew what I was doing everyday. Knew the job inside and out. Well you know how it goes it’s time for a change.

I went to college to further my medical career and I went got my AA degree and I sat on it. Life got in the way. So now that my children are grown and I can work more and further my career now.

Well I got a new position I had prayed for this so happy I was.. but sad I was leaving my department and I could not believe it but I was ready to move forward.

I started my new job and it’s been so crazy. My goodness I am like did I make the right move? I have not been the new person in so long well twenty years later and now I am the new person again.

Every day it’s something new and the co-workers just are so not nice to the new people. The new person in the office. My question is when will I not be new person anymore?

Lemons

Why do life throw lemons sometimes. I mean I was all happy a month ago. It was such a joy to smile and laugh. Well, all I can say is I think it’s because it makes us a little focused on what’s important in life.

Like getting closer to loved ones and staying grounded and humble. That’s what I am going to do take it as that because if I don’t life is going to drive me crazy.

Life is what you make it.

Choose you babe❤️

My sweet Nephew

So many memories that will never fade. You are just the light of my life. My birthday twin I gotten up and wished you happy birthday at midnight every year. He told me that he look forward to my text on his birthday.

So proud of you always. You taught me how to love. You just always positive all the time love talking to you about stuff. Getting the biggest hug and you coming into my room before you left my house before you go was always so cute to me.

My dearest nephew unconditional love is what you get from me forever 💕

Love you, auntie S. Williams

Balance

My goodness I tell ya why do life make your own so unbalanced sometimes?

Right now I am in my room and it’s a mess and my mind is running. I want so much for my life I want it to be perfect. Life is not perfect at all. It throws curve balls. I blame it on my “widow mind”.

Sometimes though I feel unbalanced and I know that’s ok. I have to take a deep breath and it’s hard but I am trying.

Lesson learned

I was watching the show on Netflix called uncoupled and it hit home. I broke up with my fiancé and it was devastating to me I had to learn who I was without this person.

The person I called everyday seen almost every day unless he was doing his narcissist disappear acts. To learn to get out of his schedule. It really is lesson learned.

I tell you in my lesson learned I learned to humble myself to love myself and understand more. To be a better version of myself for my next adventure or even to myself.

To get though it feel all the motions in this all the motions and the feelings of a break up. To learn to not to call this person anymore and just be by yourself . if You are going through a break up go through all the motions don’t skip any and I promise you will get through it.

#chooseyoubabe

Birthday

My birthday is coming up and I am so excited. I don’t know I always welcome a new number for me. Yes, I am spoiled my mom and dad spoiled me. I have had so many bad birthdays I started making my own fun. Something wonderful has happened now all of sudden I have been having wonderful birthdays.

I don’t know about you but I feel like I am barely starting to live. For the past two birthdays, they have been wonderful no disappointments in the celebration. I am in a wonderful relationship and he is actually happy about my birthdays finally I am with someone that’s happy to celebrate with me .

For many years it seems no one was happy to celebrate with me so I started making my own celebration on my birthday but deep down inside I would be so sad and disappointed. For once I felt overwhelmed that so many want to celebrate with me.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I have never been happier in my life and I am smiling happy birthday to me💕💕 and if anyone else has a birthday coming up HAPPY BIRTHDAY 💕💕💕💕

Happy birthday 💕💕

Chooseyoubabe

Covid

I caught covid well the entire house did. It was a shock But yes we all did. The thing that got me was how covid can make a person so emotional. It really stops your whole world. It really do.

We all been in our rooms. We all are home bodies but just to be in the rooms all day oh my goodness you feel like walking germs. We would tell eachother when we coming out the room that helps because we all scared of eachother at this point

The thing that got me was I was negative for awhile I started having the symptoms the next day when my boyfriend got a positive test the day before. I kept testing negative for three days after that. The hospital nurse called told me to come test Monday.

So when I got up to go I just knew ok I think I have it and when the nurse came to do my test oh my goodness it hurt so bad she went all the way back to test and I got positive quick. My iPhone knew I was positive before I did.

I tell you when all this happen two years ago I was like ok if I am positive I am going to do this and that everything changes when it actually happen. The way I thought it was going to go didn’t. I was like this is just crazy.

Your emotional because you can’t see the people you love you have to isolate and be in the house and it’s just sucks. You think where did you get it from and all it’s just awful. My boyfriend was at home so it was not romantic vacation with us.

COVID

Healing

I would be lying to myself if I said that even though I am in a healthy relationship that past don’t haunts me. I was cheated on in my relationships I have been In a verbal abuse relationship narcissist relationship and I am still healing from that.

I can say before I got in to another relationship I took time for myself to heal and get to know me again because I had to. I didn’t know who I was when I got out. Self love really is a journey. Sometimes it sneaks up in the back of my mind like is this relationship going to last do he really love me oh and my favorite when is the other shoe going to drop.

Smile for myself 💕

I just tell myself to breathe when I get that way because when I start to overthink it’s just plays tricks on me. I guess healing is a process and a journey that I will have to process and be in the moment. Take one day at a time.

#chooseyoubabe

Speak up

This used to be my problem. I would never speak up oh no because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings ever and I would my feelings on the back burner. I have taken a different approach if something is bothering I am going to speak up because I am doing nothing but hurting myself.

I had a few situations where someone thought I was going to put my feelings on the back burner and I was not going to say anything about it. I did say something and I felt better. I guess I just want to be heard that’s all.

I have learned that everyone is different you know different personalities and all. I learned to adjust to people ways. Everyone is different and that’s fine. I just won’t be quiet I do pick my battles wisely. I have a thing if it bothers me in the morning I am going to speak up about it.

Being on this self love journey my goal is to protect myself and be strong and know my voice. Not in a mean way or a selfish way but I just want to matter and be heard.

Old Teachings

When I broke off my engagement my mother was so shocked. She was just so disappointed and told me I needed to go back with him. I told her it was over and she says “Thats not what I taught you”.

She was right she taught me to never leave a relationship To stay and make it work by all means. I did in that relationship I stayed longer than I should have. I was in a sad relationship a stressful relationship. By the time I had the courage to leave my self esteem was so low.

When I told my mom I left and I moved back in With her she was on me every day. I simply had to tell my mom that taught me about the old school way of love that it’s not ok to stay in a relationship that you feel devalued.

My mom could not understand. I told my mom that I have to love myself more . She just looked at me like she could not believe what I just said. I mean the old school way is to put your man first and you come second.

I was not going to do that to myself I had already been married for twenty three years til death do us part. So I did my part. I could not stay in that relationship that was doing nothing but breaking me.

After months of not talking about going back to my relationship with ex fiancé. My mom finally told me that she was proud of me for leaving him and she gets why. I felt a relief that she said that to me.

I just choose me I have to because at the end of day I have to be okay. Yes that break up was very Hard on me but I have to be in relationship that is respectful and true. So I am teaching myself the new School way.

Love yourself 💕

All I know love is not suppose to hurt 💕

Love…💕Choose You Babe